How does a doctor who is keenly aware of the relationship between obesity and health and who has worked at a weight loss center for several years not address her own morbid obesity? (Wow, just writing that was distressful!)
Nutritional knowledge was not the missing ingredient. Willpower was not the key. Desire was not enough. I warred with obesity plenty of times and quit before winning the battle. Well, if I am honest, I championed over it before only to shamefully relinquish my victory. What was different this time? What was my motivation to transform my life?
When did my battle with obesity begin?
I recall my pediatrician mentioning his concerns about my weight once or twice and my mother responding by making some dietary changes. She offered me graham crackers instead of cookies and juice instead of soda. It is laughable now. I am in no way assigning blame; but, simply giving some background to a nearly forty-year problem. Needless to say, when I assumed responsibility for my own nutrition and wellness, my choices segued into staring at a scale that stood out like a marque as it flashed over 300 pounds!
The reasons I became a full pledged member of the three hundred club had little if anything to do with enjoying food. I ate to suppress feelings. I ate because of loneliness. I ate because I felt irrelevant in my own life. I ate because it was easier than making the tough decisions. I ate to comfort myself. I ate because I could not come to terms with the real concerns. I ate because success was not what I envisioned. I ate because it was what I knew how to do. Food was my scapegoat. After all, eating always seemed to soothe things.
However, about five years ago, I felt unhealthy and lacking in authenticity. I am a physician for goodness sake! I speak with patients daily about the role of nutrition and fitness in managing their medical conditions. Ironically, I physically represented the opposite of my professional advice which undermined my integrity.
Let me disclose some pertinent family health history. My father died from heart disease, my brother had a massive stroke, and several of my family members have diabetes mellitus. That history alone should have provoked me to change my lifestyle. It didn’t. Then, I discovered I had a prolactinoma; a small benign pituitary tumor. As though that was not enough, I faced the threat of surgery on my feet due to a condition that was exasperated by my weight.
The simple trilogy of move more, eat less, and lose weight while fundamentally is the solution to obesity did not address the “stuff” that lurked under my weight. The real issues that kept me in a continuous struggle with morbid obesity became even heavier to carry than the actual weight.
What truly weighed me down?
It was unforgivingness. It was not being the apple of my father’s eye. It was feeling overwhelmed. It was fear. It was assuming the role of a savior. It was not having the princess wedding and the two and a half children. It was my career. It was the choices that I had made or did not make. It was not being a priority in my own life!
The weight was a mere reflection of my internal conflict. My change had to transpire from the inside out. It involved peeling back layers of hurt and disappointment and confronting the turmoil that was eating at my soul. Unfortunately, it required much more than a diet and workout plan; even though, that’s not a bad place to begin.
Having faced and resolved some deep-rooted pain, I have let go of over one hundred pounds! I no longer require food as an anesthetic to numb the emotions that accompanied hurts and disappointments. I am finally blossoming into the person that I almost suffocated. I have been renewed. The road has not been without challenges; but, I have embraced them as opportunities to refocus, rebalance, and rediscover me.
Where am I on the journey?
I am exploring new possibilities. I am inspired to move out of my comfort zone. You are not mistaken that is me spinning on the bike, boxing in the gym, doing barre exercise, and lifting those dreaded weights. Fencing? Why not. I also incorporate journaling, meditating, retreating, and breathing as essential tools to achieve a total mind, body, and spirit makeover.
I sincerely hope is that my story, will offer another perspective as it relates to weight loss but more importantly to creating your own transformation. Instead of feverishly searching for the magic solution, I recommend that you explore and work through the reasons you are are not living the authentic life you seek. I am living proof that its possible. Together, we can make the changes that support your goals (no matter what they may be) and create a positive energy in your life.
By the way, I discovered when you let go of the clutter that only serves to take up mental space and weigh you down, you become free to live your dreams and aspirations! Over one hundred pounds later, I am passionate about being me.
My team and I have created this website as a safe place with reliable information, based on science, to support the kind of individual growth that proved essential to my own transformation. I am here to help you become a champion of your own health and happiness. I hope you will visit often, share your experience with others and let me know if there is anything I can do to improve your journey.